A moving experience

(This post has been published late as I was awaiting processing of my photographs. As it happens with everything, time past fades the emotions to some extent, but I like to publish it nevertheless, for the unique-ness this experience had).

19th June, 22:00

Just half an hour ago, I went through a really moving experience, and despite all its eeriness, I feel like writing about it and sharing it.

To blurt out the fact first, I think my cat Silk understands me. And I am surely not the first one to think so – my friend Nalini has 2 cats and she also talks to them and they seem to understand her.

Silk came to us about a month ago – she was not afraid of me at all and approached me like we are long lost friends. Divya is not very comfortable with her, but she has grown more easy with and fond of her over the last month.

Let me come in, please!!

I talked to her (based on Nalini’s story) and told her that if she comes regularly for 5 days, I will adopt her. She came the next day and then stopped coming. Between day 1 and 2, I had talked to my friends and Nalini and doubted my own ability to adopt her. Obviously, she felt it. She somehow came back when we returned from Mulu. I have ever since fed her and kept her close, although she doesn't stay in the house.

 

She loves being caressed

Silk is currently pregnant and is likely hungrier than normal these days. That is why when she comes, she first meows for food and once she is full, she meows for my caress. She does meow more strongly when she sees me eating something that I am not sharing with her. That is the case when I am eating sweet or spicy food, which she doesn’t like. So far, she has accepted milk, chapatti, aloo-pakoda, bread and bland muesli from me!

Fat silk, about time

She normally spends only half hour in evenings on weekdays and a few hours on weekends (until Divya’s tolerance). However, on 17^th June, she stayed at our place for almost 10 hrs. She ate a bit and slept for most of the time.

Always sleeping in the funniest poses

Anyway, yesterday, on 18^th, she only came in morning and left after I gave her milk and left for office. She didn’t come in evening. Divya is still scared of her but I think she actually likes her and would like to get rid of her fear to get more close to Silk. That is why she missed her and looked for her for the whole day. When she came this morning, I gave her milk and after she was done, I told her to come in the evening, joking that the “aunty” is missing you.

She finally came at 8.30 PM. Divya and I were happy to see her. About 10 PM, we were about to go upstairs and leave her out of the house once again when I remembered that I needed to tell her about my upcoming Langkawi trip. I have been thinking about “what she will eat”, “what if she delivers while we are away”, “what is she never came back” etc. for the last few days. So I took her in my hands in the normal position of our conversation (I hold her front two legs and she is hanging and I mentally insist her to look into my eyes). I told her that I am going to Langkawi in 2 days and I won’t be around for the next 10 days. I told her that she doesn’t need to worry –
1) I will leave milk bottle with the neighbour to feed her,
2) If she delivers while we are away, she doesn’t need to be scared and all will go well, and
3) Please come back after 10 days when we return.

Silk is by nature very active and when she is not sleeping, she is always moving around, snuffing stuff or cleaning herself (I think cats are very particular about their cleanliness and I guess she is over-the-top with it). She normally won’t sit on my lap for long even if I put her there. However, after this conversation, when I let her go, she stayed in my lap and looked at me with almost closed eyes in manner of affection. This was followed by moistness and tears in her eyes. This was so moving that I had to postpone our going upstairs for 30 minutes and let her stay in my lap. She dug her claws into my shorts and put her head down, not meowing a word. My wife is witness to the whole incident, and after a while when emotions settled, we took her pictures (which we always do, and despite being photo-shy, she gives excellent poses at times). She was shy again, but on my urge, she opened her eyes twice for the shot.

Don't go away!

A rare tear

Silk regularly reminds Divya of her late grandmother (Jiya). She says Silk looks at her in the same way her grandmother did and she fears her in the same way she feared her grandmother sometimes. I don’t think it Jiya’s soul is inside Silk, but there may be a link. With me, the connection is really strong. I have decided (and requested Divya) that if she comes back to us after our Langkawi trip, we shall fully adopt her and take her with us to India later this year.

I don’t know if it all sounds silly, but it is as real and as sacred as any other thing in the world. It was such a unique and uplifting experience. Thanks to the Almighty.

#Update1: On the morning of my departure, the cat behaved very eerily once again. As I wrote before, in mornings, she would eat sufficiently before paying any heed to us. Today, she meowed continuously and didn’t bother about the food at all. She licked my hands and rubbed her chin against me all the time before I left for office. She tracked me going into my car, reversing and then going slowly (again, something she never does). Only after I left, she ate and finished everything!

#Update2: She and four kittens are now living in my backyard; they will be there until Divya return. More blogs about her intelligence and motherhood will follow.

Sozaboy

It is always nice to stumble upon and find good novels without getting recommended from someone. Sozaboy is one such novel. Written by Ken Saro-Wiwa, one of the guys from the Ogoni tribe in Nigeria and founder of the MOSOP movement (Movement for Survival of Ogoni People). Incidentally, my company Shell faced an international litigation in relation to human rights violation against the Ogoni tribe, which at one point also allegedly caused hanging of Saro-Wiwa on false claims and without a fair trial.

Anyway, Sozaboy isn’t about oil companies. It is about war and its futility. Sozaboy translates to soldier and apparently the novel is written in the backdrop of Nigerian Civil War of the late 1960s.

The protagonist Mene is a naïve man-boy. He comes from a village called Dukana where most people are naïve like him. They believe blindly in their chief, pastor and the superstitions of the traditions. Life is set by unwritten rules and they just follow them. Despite all this, it is still a good and slow-but-happening place to live (like villages are). Mene becomes an unlicensed driver – a rarity in Dukana and starts to earn a good living. He also comes across a beautiful girl Agnes [with JJC – you have to read the novel to know what JJC is ;-)]. Life is all very good until war knocks at the door.

While war hasn’t reached Dukana yet, the occasional arrival of Sozaboys and the war-news-cum-gossip become the talk of the town. Under the pressure of a liar ex-soldier who went to Burma and killed Hitla (Hitler), his wife who wants a man who can protect her and his own ideas about the courage and respect of a soza’s life, our unlicensed driver pays a good sum of money to become a soza! His mother constantly advises him against it but the nefarious noises overpower the whispered wisdom.

The story is then all about the downhill life of Mene and how at every point, he escapes death but loses all that is important to him.

All basic stuff, isn’t it? I haven’t read many anti-war novels and one doesn’t need to read novels to know that war is futile. The beauty of the novel is in what Saro-Wiwa calls as rotten English. If an Afro-American actor/character has amused you with his garbled words, unique accent and clear character, this novel will roll lurches in your stomach. While the proceedings of the war and loss of all one has are fully felt and are one of the saddest I have ever read, the Nigerian English coming from a naïve villager’s mind lets you escape the agony one would feel (what I felt after reading Requiem for a Dream) and maintains humour and energy in the novel.

Another important aspect is looking at the war through the naïveté of Mene’s eyes and that despite his ignorance of the power game of war, he can still see how useless it is to common man. Another very apt and interesting point that he asks himself during the war is: who is the enemy, and this is so true for war as it is for life.

Check it out – fast read and full time ROTFL. Full respect and tribute to Ken Saro-Wiwa. Available on StackYourRack and FlipKart.

Running on the invisible trails

After last 7 days of travelling and incessant (and mostly unnecessary) marriage shopping and sweets-and-spice-profused Indian food, I finally got an opportunity to run this morning. I started late at 7:20 but it was fine because of the mild winter and a late and lazy sun. I started from our college ground and targetted to run for about an hour.

While my intention was to run straight on the main road (going to Dungarpur), I found a side trail seemingly going to some huts. With some apprehension of dogs and unknown territory, I decided to take it and found myself on soft grounds, huts and a cool village within the town, which I had never seen before. I had been on this road many a times, but always in the school bus or on my bike. This finding was quite surprising and soothing, although 500-700 m inside, I found the city dwellers encroaching upon the last remains of farmland in the town.

I came out on the main road and continue looking for such side trails. After another short trail, I finally found a long one - at least going 1.5-2 km and all soft road. Passing by the villagers in the morning is nice - I shouted 'hari aum' to the old ones and waved hands to the young and the kids who looked curious or gave a smile. There were full range of reactions from unimpressed or unaffected to curious, smiling and surprised fellas. The most impressive sight was seeing an old man, likely in late 50's or even in 60's, limping on a foot, yet walking as straight as humanly possible, and carrying a plough on his left shoulder.

Needless to say, I also mentally noted people and places that would be very good photographic subjects - many small stone idols below a tree, trees cut out for firewood (my guess), farms and small lakes, a man with super-athletic body (definitely a hard-working farmer or labourer) taking a batch in a canal and finally kids of all types. I refreshed myself with water from a hand pump.

Before turning back, I ran up to my alma mater - New Look Senior Secondary School. I had heard lots about school building made bigger and grander, but somehow I couldn't catch the same impression when I saw it. It looked almost the same as I left it 11 years ago! May be the interior or facilities have changed - I need to go and see it and also motivate kids about playing more sports and taking less stress in their formative years of life.

The run back to the college ground was slightly heavy on my legs - especially on my ankles and achilee tendons, but the breeze and the sun made up for it. Dedicating this short run to Robert Frost for inspiring to take "The Road Not Taken" and to Vinayshankar Kulkarni and Caballo Blanco for inspiring to take the trails.

Racists

I found Racists by Kunal Basu first at a bookshop in Bangalore and was immediately intrigued by the subject. However, given my have-many-books-but-not-read-yet-guilt, I ordered it years later at Stack your Rack (new online books store in India).

The plot of Racists is set up in 1870s and revolves around two scientists, who have different ideas regarding racial differences and the fundamental reason behind these differences, i.e. the alleged superiority of the white over the black. Samuel Bates, the English scientist, believes that all races originate to Adam, and it is only the craniological differences (skull shape and size) that makes white superior to black. Jean-Louis Belavoix, the French scientist, believes that these races are different, and given equal opportunity to grow, they will grow equals. Bates is the real laboratory scientist type, stressing on measurements. Belavoix is the observer type.

To resolve the differences for good, they decide on an experiment – have a black boy and white girl brought up on an island far from civilization, let them grow naturally in the natural environs of the island without any instruction, education and even speech, monitor regularly by visits and specific tests, and make a decision at the end of 12 years, about time when the children reach puberty. Bates is confident that the white girl will emerge the winner due to bigger skull size and finer bone angles, whereas Belavoix predicts doom that because they will grow equals, one will end up killing the other.

To facilitate the experiment, they have a mute nurse, Norah, to take care of minimum physical needs of the children at the island, and Bates’ assistant, Nicholas Quarterly, to make arrangements and take records.

Isn’t it intriguing and very interesting? I thought it was, primarily supposing that Belavoix’s idea of equality will win in the end and I was all fascinated to find out the proceedings towards this conclusion.

I wouldn’t tell much about the story, except that the book isn’t all about the ‘competition’ of the races. There is rivalry of the scientists, which itself speaks of the differences Europeans had, and still have despite the European Union and what not. The rivalry is big enough to consider the children as mere experimental subjects and have no compassion for their present of future. Then there are the hardworking poor – Norah and Quarterly, who are more humane and sensible in their outlook towards the whole experiment. There are the financiers, who are all about results, fast delivery and their own racial prejudices. And last but not the least, the children themselves, fully natural and ‘savage’ in their own outlook and actions.

The best part of the novel is the growth of the children and their relationships with each other, with the natural environment and mute visitors around them. Both grow naturally in different capacities, which has to do with sexual and racial differences. Their plays with the nature – birds, rain, sea, rocks, earthworms etc. is full of life and their instruction-less-savage-yet-human-in-many-ways-nature sounds very realistic for the circumstances.

There are many unexpected turns (the best one a very historical event that shoots the experiment tangentially towards the end) and after some thinking, I found that focusing the whole story on the experiments itself wouldn’t have been as much vivid and revealing as the side plots and the turns. The end is quite dramatic, cruel and savage – something on the lines of Chandni Bar (and I think I have said too much).

Something about the author – Kunal Basu’s writing is very rich. He makes me proud because the only other Indian author of English novels that I have read is Chetan Bhagat and, notwithstanding his popularity, he wouldn’t pass in Kunal Basu’s English class. Apart from his fascinating execution of the language, he also has a good hold over history, landscape and botany. I wouldn’t consider it exaggerating to compare him with the likes of J.R.R. Tolkien (undoubtedly, the sales of Racists pale in comparison to The Lord of The Rings). Reading about him in Wikipedia, I wasn’t surprised to find that he was born to parents who were ranked members of the then Communist Party and exposed to culturally rich and diverse visitors.

Overall, it is a slightly heavy novel, and my kinds need to keep a dictionary at hand to appreciate some parts. That apart, it is a beautiful piece of literature, drama and history, and one of my best reads ever (after Gone with the Wind and The Lord of the Rings).

Looking forward to:

1. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
2. The Miniaturist (Kunal Basu)
3. Piccadilly Jim (P.G. Wodehouse)
4. The Fourth Protocol (Frederick Forsyth)

Shaadi.com vs BharatMatrimony.com

This is a long due blog – due to the winner among the two and more so to my friends who are still hunting for a soul mate and are considering/using matrimony website(s) as one of their Stairways to Heaven.

Shaadi.com (henceforth referred to as Shaadi) and BharatMatrimony.com (henceforth referred to as BM) are the two largest matrimony websites in India. I do not have first-hand knowledge about JeevanSaathi.com or other websites. Before I jump into the comparison, I would like to dwell into when one finds his/her way into matrimonial websites, the dangers/prejudices it holds and where and when it works.

Philosophy and reality of matrimony websites

Matrimonial websites are rarely the first option for partner seekers, but they are good, and over the years, they have been very successful in getting the right match, and in some cases, an acceptable compromise. In my case, it didn’t give the solution in the end, but I learned well about Shaadi and BM and have a reasonable idea which one would give a good success rate for which type of people.

So, let’s start with general sphere of influence of these matrimony websites. They are:

Effective for

1. Agarwals, Jains, Maheshwaris and the likes – basically big castes with a good array of mates to choose from. Also effective for Brahmins who are flexible with Brahmin sub-castes.
2. Where marriage must happen within the caste – do or die, billionaire or blind.
3. Doctors and Chartered Accountants, who prefer partners from same profession.
4. Professionals seeking a professional partner without bias for caste.
5. Bohras/Muslims/Christians/Jews – a small array to choose from, so either you find it or you don’t, but at least you don’t waste your time.
6. Beautiful girls – I am not being sexist about it, but they will get many proposals, no matter what, as most guys would sacrifice many other parameters to have a beautiful wife.

Not very effective for:

1. Boys from Banswara – I mean guys small towns or cities. I found that a lot of families/girls have preconceived negative notions about not marrying into a family from a small place, even though the guy is working in a big city or outside India. The same notion isn’t reserved for girls from smaller cities, as they will be move into the bigger city family after the marriage.
2. Seekers from small castes or sections, who are flexible to look out.
3. Run-of-the-mill (read too many available) engineers and management professionals.
4. Professionally successful women beyond the socially accepted marriageable age.

Needless to say – above isn’t a rulebook, but should have a good 80-20 or 70-30 applicability.

Psychology when using such websites

Psychologically, one looks for more superior partners on matrimony websites than what one would be looking for within one’s comfort zone of caste or city. This happens because:

As I said before, a matrimony website is hardly a first option. Generally, we search within the caste, then through near or far relatives or friends. Then we start looking out of the caste into other acceptable (usually ‘higher’) castes within our city/region. At some point, especially these days, parents also ask the son/daughter whether they like or love someone from a good caste (same level or higher). When all frontiers are lost, a half-hearted registration to these websites is made.

Now, my search criteria was as follows (and I think the MUSTs apply in general to a large set of people):

1. Good character/soft and good nature. (MUST)

2. Good family. (MUST)

3. Good education. (MUST)

4. Average-good looks. (MUST)

5. Preferably working, otherwise a housewife, but definitely not very career-oriented. (MUST)

6. Interested in spirituality. (WANT)

7. Very beautiful. (WANT)

8. From a very educated family with parent(s) having a reputable job/profession. (WANT)

9. From a place preferably closer to, or at least easily to reach from, Banswara. (WANT)

But when one looks at matrimony websites, the confidence that these criteria (especially 1, 2) are actually met is low, for there is a chance of misunderstanding, or even worse, cheating. And therefore, we look for and would accept far better partners from matrimony websites than we would within our own castes or region.

The proof of the pudding was seen in the proposals I sent and received on BM. I hardly liked the ones I received and I was rejected or not responded to by the ones I proposed.

The comparison, finally…

Now coming to the comparison, I will do it categorically:

1. The name: When it comes to the name, Shaadi is clearly a winner, for shaadi in Hindi means marriage. In mind, it sounds like the obvious choice. BM’s name has a bit of a hybrid touch. “What is in a name”, they say, but it is for nothing but the name that Shaadi is the biggest matrimony website!

2. Fee: Both websites allow you to look for partners with a free login. But to get contact info, one has to pay. Both are expensive, at least costing above 2k for 3 months (minimum registration period), but BM was slightly cheaper than Shaadi when I registered.

3. Login and ease of handling: BM is easier to use compared to Shaadi. The login to Shaadi is a bit cumbersome and it opens as a pop-up window where tabs cannot be managed, whereas BM works in normal window, where multiple tabs can be opened.

4. Search: The search function in both websites is effective – with enough options of age, height, religion/caste, region, salary etc. to choose from. However, looking at the search results, I always felt that BM offers you a better array of results than Shaadi – this might have something to do with appearances.

5. Appearances: Appearance-wise, BM is far superior to Shaadi. Apart from browsing and tabs-management, the profile and photos look far cleaner and better in BM.

6. Details: Shaadi is horrendously ineffective when it comes to partner details. It is rather strange, for Shaadi profiles are usually uploaded with support from their executives and after their review, whereas BM profiles are developed individually and only some things such as photos are screened before display. BM lets you give as much details about yourself as you like in an organized form (Personal Info, Occupational Info, Religious Beliefs, Hobbies etc.) and at the same time, it lets you share your expectations from life partner in an organized way. Shaadi, on the other hand, is less detailed and doesn’t have an option for describing your options except in the Comments section. In fact, Shaadi by default won’t reveal the person’s name and you are lucky if it is given in Comments section. BM doesn’t have such illogical issues.

7. Horoscope match: Provided you and the searched result have both put the required details of birth date/time and place, the website will auto-calculate the horoscope match and display it just below the profile ID.

8. Contact info and contact: Here again, BM is very effective. You can either dig the person’s phone no. or you can send a message without knowing their email ID. For your account type, you have a certain limit on messages or phone numbers, which is reasonable. In case of Shaadi, they are still living in the stone age. They will mail you the contact info rather than email it, and even then, they will mostly forget or take too much time to respond.

9. Expressing interest: BM offers a good range of choice here, including phone number, text messages and voice messages. If the user is online, you can also do a text chat. Shaadi on the other hand only gives you the contact info after long chasing.

10. Customer support: BM’s customer support is very good. They called me a day after I created my paid profile to inform my about my benefits. Shaadi on the other hand is seemingly full of ineffective conmen. Even after my repeated requests of sending the profiles on my email rather than my mailbox, they didn’t respond and it took 2 personal visits from my sister to resolve the issue.

Conclusion: I think they are right when they say, “What is in a name”?

Disclaimer: All thoughts or notions expressed in here are solely that of the author and are not intended to malign the already maligned reputation of Shaadi or boost the business of BM. The author doesn’t have any profit sharing agreement with BM and will definitely not receive a penny from Shaadi. His sole intention is to reveal the truth as he sees and direct his friends and blog followers to the relatively right path. The comparisons are based on his solumate search on Shaadi between August – November 2010 and on BM between December-February 2011.

Meeting with an accomplished man

Different people have different opinions or notions about what an accomplished man/woman or an accomplished life would be like. However, one notion shared by a wide group is that if one has done and achieved one could do and achieve, then he/she has fully lived the life. I met such an accomplished man today. I will limit my opinions and try to capture most of our conversations.

This gentleman, named Mokhtar Adb Razak, drives executive “limousine” (Toyota/Kia MUV cars). On request of the Park Royal hotel concierge, I agreed on taking a slightly expensive but good quality limousine instead of a regular taxi at a premium of 20 MYR (300 INR) and that was a very good decision.

Preamble

Mokhtar (M): Hello sir, how are you?

Kumar (K): I am fine, thank you.

M: So sir, where are you going?

K: Bintulu.

M: Flying by MAS?

K: Yes.

M: OK. Just need to make sure I send you to the right airport J.

K: OK.

M: You work in Bintulu?

K: Yes.

M: Which sector? Oil?

K: Yes.

M: Which company?

K: Shell.

M: Oh, that’s a very good company. I have seen many people working for the company for 20+ years. It must be a good company to work for, for the people are staying that long. (Sayan and I had a similar discussion yesterday on how sometimes people feel that the company isn’t good enough or fair enough at times, but if you talk outside, you realize you are working for one of the better employers, if not the best, in this region).

Traffic and Taxi business:

M: This morning, there was a terrible jam on the roads coming into the city.

K: Yeah? Actually last night was even more terrible. (Had a storm last night).

M: That was because some old trees fell and four cars were crushed under it.

K: Ohh, anyone got hurt?

M: Luckily no. But unlucky for them, the insurance doesn’t cover the acts of God. They only cover for manly acts of accident and negligence.

K: (Thinking about the driver’s intelligence…) Hmm.

K: So is this your own car or you rent it?

M: Rent.

K: How much do you pay per month?

M: 100 MYR per day.

K: And how is the business?

M: Survival. One cannot become rich as a taxi driver, but it is enough for survival. (I took these remarks as general, but found later that they had a solid foundation from this man’s life).

K: You have family? (This question is almost redundant for a man of M’s age in the East, but this is a poor practice of not assuming anything that I carry from my years in the West).

M: Yes, nine children.

(I was like Wow! I was inclined to immediately ask how many wives he has [in Malaysia, Muslims are allowed to have 4 wives], but thought it would be offensive, even if I add “If you don’t mind asking” bullshit in the beginning of the question … why would one ask a question if he/she thinks it might offend the other person? Then another question came whether Islam too, like Roman Catholics, has ideas that protection shouldn’t be used, but thought that that would be even more offensive. Anyway, this was a turning point in our conversation and it revealed how accomplished a taxi driver with Muslim tag and 9 children could be from within. BTW, there is a great book called as Taxi Driver Wisdom, which I came across in our Mission library in Chennai!)

Family and children

(After a lot of consideration…)

K: Wow, 9 children.

M: Actually I wanted 12, but God’s will was 9. 9 sounds a lot, but once they start going to school and college, it isn’t a lot. Now, there are only 4 left at home (Phew… only!).

K: In this age, people think hard for even having a 2^nd or 3^rd child (referring to the East, the West is further off!).

M: People are worried about children because they equate children with money (which is true in a sense), but I believe that things fall in place anyway (and it did if I see this man – a taxi driver by profession, 51 years old but looking 45, short but fit, a bit bald but still all black hairs, having 9 children and still lamenting about not having 3 more, and most of all carrying a smile and subtlety on his face that shows only the tip of his maturity iceberg).

K: You must have a lot of faith in God.

M: Yes, I do. I try to be a good Muslim.

(After some moments...)

M: Generally, money is tight twice a year. Once when the school begins – to get their clothing, books etc. And the second is during Hari Raya (Ramzan/Ramaadan). However, I am still surviving (with a very gentle smile). And tough times come and there are times when things are very relaxed too. These things come and go.

God and religion

M: Are you Muslim?

K: No, I am Hindu.

M: Oh, so you worship Hindu god?

K: Not really. I am born as a Hindu, but I don’t follow Hinduism in that way. I practice meditation – that is my way of God.

M: OK.

M: If you get an opportunity, you should try to read Koran. (This was said in very positive spirit of sharing something good and not in the converting spirit I have seen with some in the past.)

K: Actually, I have the fortune of having two of my best school friends as Muslims, of which I have very close association with one’s family as well. And then, I also found this nice book called as 365 readings from Islam. Actually I practice meditation, but I like knowing about other religions, what the founders said and how the religions have shaped through centuries.

M: Good, it widens your perspective.

K: (now in boasting mode) You know there is one thing given in the book which I like the most which most of my Muslim friends don’t know and most of them even deny it, as the book has been written by a Dutch man. But these western people are very methodical and I believe in what she said. So, I will ask you the same question – why is Friday a special day for Muslims?

M: You see in Islam, we have a concept of Jamaat (gathering). But before I gather with community, I must gather with my family, and before I gather with the family, I must gather with my wife, and before I gather with my wife, I must gather with myself! (sidetracked as he didn’t understand my question well, but very wise thoughts; later, he also told me something new – that the prophet recommends mating on Thursday night and Monday night to get well-balanced children – Thursday one of course in line with the above thought).

K: That is a very good thought, but my question is – why Friday? Why not Tuesday or Thursday?

M: In Islam and Bible, they say that God created Man in 6 or 7 days depending on reference. Starting with Sunday as first day, the man was completed in 6 days (he gave details that I wouldn’t go into).

K: OK, what you say is one opinion and something that no one has told me before. However, I will tell you what the book says. When Mohammed moved to Medina, he got the idea of doing prayer in-group. He first thought of Saturday, but decided on Friday because Jews are busy on Saturday because of the day of Sabbath, and he thought that by keeping it on Friday, it would also allow Jews who want to join to take part. It shows the openness and consideration of that great man.

M: OK, that may also be right.

(After some moments...)

M: You know I don’t see religion as a way of just following the rituals. I see our prayers as means to reconnect to our creator. That is why we have 5-times prayer of 10 minutes each – to purify our thoughts and to re connect.

[Interesting point – 365 readings on Islam says that when Mohammed first asked Abraham (called Ibrahim in Islam) on how many times we should pray in a day, he got 50 as the answer! Knowing how difficult it would be for people to follow, he requested this to be reduced to 5. How wise!]

K: Your thoughts are very modern and refined and I doubt how many Muslims think like you (in fact, for most people, this man would be called as a heretic; and to be further clear, this lack of openness and refinement is applicable to a big percentage of almost every religious and spiritual group).

M: You know I also don’t believe that Allah is God (whew!). Allah is Allah and God is God. If there is no man, there is no God. God creates man so that he can get recognition (said with a slightly mocking, yet decent laugh). In fact, I think that the God is in each one of us. He created us and what do we do? We can make cars, buildings and what not, but can I make a baby girl if I want to? No. All we do is derive pleasure out of it, but the work of God is done through the intercourse – we create children as God created us. Therefore, I think I am also Mohammed – the messenger of God, bringing creation into the world and continuing God’s existence.

(By this time, I had already started wondering if this man is greatly educated or what? He speaks good English, has bright ideas and sometimes uses very sophisticated and relevant words. However, further conversations revealed that his wisdom stems from experiences of his years, his search motive and his natural living.)

On conversations

M: Although it is not given in the Koran, the Prophet has once said that it is good to have conflicting conversations – truth will emerge out of the conflict, but it is required that both persons are honest and are searching for the truth.

(Thinking later, I thought it is perhaps also true for a married life; these days, people worry so much about the perfect partner and all that, but every couple fights, everyone has tough times in life and so on. However, honest duo in the couple would help each other learn the truth and relish the juice of life).

I don’t know where our conversation ended, but it did end when I reached airport. I felt lucky that I didn’t use the iPod I had taken out when I entered the car and that I followed my natural instinct of not doing anything (in fact the desire of doing a lot in life is most of the times a reflection of own insecurity or smallness).

I felt and still feel very happy – and the right words of the feeling would be that it was the happiness of meeting a pure hearted human being, who has not wasted his life and has rather evolved beautifully through it.

PS: There is an amazing book Meetings with Remarkable Men by G.I. Gurdjieff, which is far better than my blog, but this fact deserved mention only at the end.

Pattaya Potpourri

Most of my friends who learned that I am in Pattaya claimed that I had advertently chosen a course that suits my trip, and it would be very difficult to convince them otherwise, but so it is. Inadvertent and unplanned though, the trip turned out to be quite an unexpected, and mostly pleasant, surprise. There aren’t many photos though, as I didn’t have a camera.

First impressions

The first impressions weren’t great. I was placed in a “Villa” in Chonburi, a province of which Pattaya is one city. I hadn’t expected that finding vegetarian food and English-speaking people would be so difficult. Next day, I just packed my bags and left the villa for the course, not knowing where I will end up. I found out later that most hotels in Chonburi/Pattaya are fully booked due to Chinese New Year (who would think of that?); fortunately I ended up in Sabai Wing on Soi 1 on Pattaya beach road. Boy, life here was different!

People

In the small street where Sabai Wing was located, and in other small streets in Pattaya, you would find more westerners than local people. Pattaya receives heavy dose of tourism owing to great weather, beaches, low cost living and that-which-should-not-be-named (aka prostitution). Westerners are mostly busy with hanging out at beach or water activities, sports, eating outlets, and of course, many with their temporary or long-term partners. Average westerner age could be easily above 50, for Pattaya receives a large number of Europeans retirees for permanent settlement. The local people are mostly into tourist services and very friendly and welcoming. Thailand is perhaps the only country other than India where Namaste is still the primary mode of greeting. It is called Sawasdee. People in TWI office (where I attended the course) were also friendly and helpful; one of them took me out on Friday to Buddhist temples.

Business/Economy

Every 2^nd shop in Pattaya is either an eating outlet, a tattoo shop, a go-go or equivalent bar or a massage shop. Finding vegetarian food was initially difficult, but once I was along Pattaya Beach Road, I found at least 5-6 Indian restaurants – I tried only one, which was opposite my hotel. Aangan Restaurant, which is operated by a Gujarati Brahmin family, is a very spacious and good quality restaurant for vegetarian food. Friendly owners and very high quality food. For 200 Baht (INR 280), you will get 8-dish home cooked menu. I had dinner once in The Pizza Company, but the vegetarian pizza was disastrous – good bread and crisp but horrible selection of toppings – corn, tomato, mushroom, pineapple.

Food and other things such as massage, clothes etc. are cheap in Pattaya and that is one reason I liked the place. Things aren’t overly priced. I think seafood is good and cheap as well; alas, not for my vegetarian palate.

Central Festival

Is a huge shopping mall; one the biggest I have ever been to (and the biggest beach mall in Asia). Malls of such size, which are also to be found in Bangkok and Singapore, bog me down like anything. It takes considerable time and effort to accept one’s smallness in such a big mall. Had a nice mixed fruits crêpe there for 90 Baht (130 rupees) and later found an amazing gift for a good friend who has recently dropped smoking and is hoping to make this effect permanent in my “good” company (of course, my good intention was that he learns to avoid smoking despite a lighter at hand, so that his transcendence becomes irreversible ;-) ). But God had his own will; this nice lighter with flashlight was confiscated in Mumbai airport on my way to KL. It wasn’t confiscated in Bangkok or KL, but Mumbai airport seemingly doesn’t permit any lighters.

Any way, Central Festival is BIG and has most of the well-known brands. Cameras, the reason for which I visited this mall, were extremely expensive here and same models are cheaper in India, Malaysia and Singapore. Apparently, LCD/LED TVs are very cheap here.

Massage and Prostitution

Definitely different subjects, but they are intertwined at certain locations in Thailand.

I am still not sure how to differentiate between one that provides genuine massage services and the one that also provides “add-on” services. I went for a foot massage one day – paid 200 Baht (about 300 INR) and got 1 hr massage. Not a great experience – this was my 1^st foot massage and I was perhaps over-expecting, but the lady, about my mother age, was very good-natured, and diligently carried out the rigmarole. Based on the ambience of that parlour, I can say that the genuine ones would be more open (glass windows) whereas the notorious ones would be veiled. Sabai Dee Massage parlour was one of those – very big massage shop but all closed. Only when I went close to the door to check out, I saw girls standing in a row, waiting to be picked by the interested party. It is one of those things that would disturb almost every nationality, but it happens here – unwarranted but unchallenged.

Go-go and equivalent bars also have single ladies, and so is the case for singles’ groups hanging out on the beach road. However, I think the mantra there is that the guy should woo and haggle. That is as much as I learnt from distant observation.

Prostitution in Pattaya accelerated during Vietnam War (before which, it was merely a small fishing village). Prostitution as a business exists everywhere in the world. My previous assignment in Amsterdam has exposed me to such environments. However, there it is legal and accepted by the ‘open-minded’ Dutch society. In most of the other locations, where it is illegal, prostitution is either forced (by middle-men) on women or it is done out of need for basic necessities of life (food, education for children etc.). Here, the scene appeared a bit different.

There were girls who appeared obviously poor and others who were well dressed and (over) made up. Appearances can be deceiving and it may be so in view of investment for higher anticipated gains, but in a place like Pattaya, basic necessities can be earned from many different ways. So, when I saw a lot of these girls with older western men (very old; perhaps an age difference of 40+), it appeared that in many, if not all cases, the driver here is a better/rich life and not basic necessities. I checked it with one of my local course-mates and he also confirmed this idea.

It might sound weird, but I don’t abhor prostitution as done orthodoxly. I mean most of us subtly do sell our body, mind and soul in working or personal lives. However, this whole process, while profitable to the western old people from company or pleasure point of view, is very disadvantageous to the girls, for they need to be in a constant look out for customers or worse, end up marrying an old man for his money. The whole cache is that life is lived for smaller goals rather than bigger ideals. A poor girl, twice as hard working and earning half as much in a regular profession, would develop significantly in other dimensions, of which the most important are self development and family.

Beach and Walking Street

The beach road offers a good walk through a packed marketplace. On the left are shops and beach on the right with fairer singles discretely distributed. I never went to the beach except for a short minute on the last day at 9:30 AM – blue water, clean beach though small of which most is occupied by easy chairs. I saw at least 30 people parasailing that early in the morning. I heard that all adventure sports and corals watching trips are very reasonably priced in Pattaya.

Walking street is a continuation of beach road, though as the name suggests, it is for walkers only. It is basically an agglomerate of food shops, go-go or otherwise bars and some adult entertainment studios. Someone highly recommended it to me, but I didn’t find it very impressive.

Buddhism

Buddhism is the religion of more than 90% of Thai population, and like India, people are very religious. However, most of the Buddhists are non-vegetarians. This was initially surprising, but if I compare these with east and south Indian Brahmins who also savour seafood, it makes sense that food habits and everything else are adjusted to one’s own ease. Or as Osho puts it beautifully, “We put ourselves at the centre and god at the periphery.” I am not really arguing for or against vegetarianism or otherwise – it is as it is, but people do not follow things completely, though they will kill people for the cause (not referring to Thailand here).

My classmate Sathit was kind enough to offer a visit to Buddhist temples on Friday evening. Quite a trip! First we went to Khao Chee Chan, a place where image of Buddha is carved in gold using Laser (not sure how that was done; need to research). Not a great touristic spot, but beautiful for one visit.

Then we went to another Buddhist temple and that is the strangest temple I have visited to date. Have a look at the picture below; who can tell me that when we go inside, we will find nobody, darkness, lots of dust and shattered glasses all over the place. The place was totally desolate, except for stray dogs in remarkably poor health (under-fed). For sake of time and security, I dared not to go upstairs.

Hydrogen and Helium

This isn’t anything about Pattaya, but during the course, Mark, the instructor, was talking about Hydrogen and Helium in some context. While what he explained was high school stuff – hydrogen is active because it lacks an electron and helium is stable because it has sufficient electrons for its orbital – it suddenly dawned on me that this is true even for people. Activity arises from a feeling of incompleteness; peace arrives with the feeling of completeness. Which is better is left for individual to judge for oneself, but most of us do look out for activity that would lead to inactivity.

Final impressions

Have a look at the photo below – Pattaya coastal line (borrowed from internet; another very beautiful can be found on Wikipedia). It is a very beautiful place; things are reasonably priced; good people; many touristic locations and water activities options (I didn’t explore the bigger and famous Jomtien beach, Big Buddha Image etc.); slightly dangerous for desperate souls (or pleasurable depending on point of view). I shall come back here once again in my lifetime.